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Inspire Me Yesterday - Ch. 11

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Chapter Eleven: If I Fell...


I sat up and looked around the dark room. 3:43 am. Sleep was escaping my fragile grasp while time blew away like sand in the wind. I rested my head on my knees and stared at the empty spot next to me in the bed. I wondered silently in the darkest depths of my heart when he was going to come home. I had never been so lonely in all my life.

I suppose I should have expected this. The four boys had another show tonight, one that, apparently, ran late. The four boys were playing at a new place, a place with a lot of hormonal teenaged girls. I sighed and buried my face in the covers.

"You're being stupid." I mumbled. "It's that jealousy thing; just stop thinking about it." I heard the keyhole turn and the front door open. I leapt out of bed and to the main room where the four boys were piling in tiredly. I smiled at them, my nerves obviously shining through my skin deep cheeriness. "Hello boys!" I said. They all waved half heartedly. I scurried into the kitchen and began to pour them some glasses of ice water.

"What's the matter?" Paul asked me. I jumped and nearly dropped all the water on the floor.

"Gosh, babe, you scared me!" I huffed. He raised an eyebrow and laugh as his arms slid around my waist.

"What's got you all bothered?" He asked again. I shrugged and kissed his neck, basking in the deep vibration as he moaned lightly.

"I just missed you." I mumbled. "It's creepy, being in this big house all alone." He chuckled as his hands ventured to the small of my back. As we rocked back and forth, I saw John creep into my sight, his small silhouette peering in the kitchen doorway. As his brown eyes peered over Paul and me, I blushed and closed my eyes, pretending he wasn't there. But I could feel his jealous eyes watching us until he finally walked off and to his bedroom. Paul kissed my ear and I laughed.

"I'm so sleepy." He said, rubbing one eye gently. I took his hand and led him to bed, where he kicked his shoes off and plopped down happily. He patted the seat next to me and grinned.

"No chance in hell, pal, you need to sleep." I laughed. "Besides, I'm hungry; I think I'll get a snack first." He nodded and I could see how tired he was as he fell asleep right in front of me. I walked into the kitchen and rummaged through the cupboards when I felt someone tap my shoulder lightly. I nearly flew to the ceiling like a cat until I realized it was just George.

"Did I frighten ye, luv?" He asked me, a smile spreading on his statuesque face. I laughed as I tried to breathe normally.

"Just a little startled." I managed, feeling nervous. Ever since the huge fight, I had barely exchanged four words with Georgie. It was like he had never wanted to know me, never mind be my friend. He sat at the table and peered up at me, his dark eyes searching mine before I turned back to the cupboard, looking for nothing.

"You don't have to be scared of me, Alex." He said softly. I sighed and let my shoulder slump as I turned back to him.

"I'm not scared of you." I began to choke up. "I just feel like you've lost all respect for me, so I'm keeping my distance." I turned back around and pretended like I wasn't on the verge of tears.

"I haven't, though." He whispered. "I feel that you both made mistakes, and that's how relationships grow." I sniffed and began to cry, finding relief in his words. "I would still like to be your friend, Alex." I faced him, in my slew of hiccups and tears and smiled.

"The best of?" I asked him, feeling pathetic and small. He laughed and nodded.

"Yes, the best of friends." I ran over to him and hugged him tight, laughing.

"You don't know how much this has been hurting me, Georgie!" I exclaimed, squeezing him. He squeezed back.

"So are you and Paul okay now?" He asked. I nodded.

"Yes, we're perfectly fine, better even." I said enthusiastically as I sat next to him. He nodded and we delved into a much needed talk, just two best friends talking the night away.



George had lumbered off to bed when I finally got around to cleaning up the kitchen. As I hummed softly to myself, I silently wondered what song I had stuck in my head. It was awfully pretty, I was sure it was a love song.

As I pondered I heard footsteps come timidly into the room. I looked over my shoulder and smiled at John, who looked adorable when he was half asleep. He smiled back and sat at the table.

"Ye mind talkin' to me for a bit luv?" He yawned. I shook my head.

"Not at all, Lennon." I handed him a glass and got out two bottles of Coke. "What's on your mind hun?"

"Just lonely." He sighed. I rolled my eyes and he looked at me with those hard brown eyes of his. "Can I ask you a stupid question?"

"I suppose." I said cautiously. He smirked that dumb playful grin I shamefully adored.

"What would have happened if..." He trailed off. I got up to walk out of the room and he grabbed my hand. "No, no stay, I'll be clearer."

"Get to the point, Lennon." I said sternly.

"What if I had been thrown back in time?" He asked. I looked at him with wide eyes and blushed. The look on his face can't be described in words. Like he was hoping maybe it would have changed my feelings. I thought for a moment and just before I was going to say curtly that nothing would have changed, I choked.

What would have happened? I felt my hand slip up to my neck where my nervous itch began to flare up. Good God, what would have happened? Would I have loved John as I loved Paul? I couldn't look at John and honestly tell him that I wouldn't have fallen in love with him like I had with Paul.

"No...I'm not falling for this, Lennon." I grumbled as I walked into the living room and sat at the chair by the window. I prayed that he wouldn't follow me, that he would get the hint and stay away.

"It was just a question." He said softly. I looked up at him, knowing he would follow me. "I want to know if things would have been different." I looked out the window to the sky, watched the stars dance along with the beat of my heart as I tried to ignore the electricity of John's presence.

"Nothing would be different." I whispered. "Nothing would change." I closed my eyes and looked away from him, and I felt him walk out of the room.

"It would have been different, I just know it." He mumbled from the doorway. "By the way, the song was called 'You've Got To Hide Your Love Away', the one I sang you last week." I nodded and remembered that night, how drunk he was, how beautiful his voice sounded in the darkness, and how angry I was that he was making me feel that way; the same way I felt at that exact moment.

I felt my heart lurch around in my chest as I sighed. This was going to be harder than I imagined, keeping what John and I had a simple friendship. I couldn't possibly pretend for much longer that I wasn't attracted to him. I covered my face with my hands and groaned, finally standing up to lay with Paul. His face always made me feel surer of myself.

I opened the door and looked at him, his gentle eyes closed as his breathing slowly soothed the silent night air. My heart calmed immediately as I smiled and walked into the room. His eyes blinked open slightly as I stepped on a creaky floorboard and a beautifully tired smile spread on his face. I felt tears sting my eyes.

"Look, me baby's come to bring me sweet dreams." He mused as he sat up and stretched his arms out for me. I hurried over to him and buried my face in his chest, trying not to be obvious about the hurt in my heart. "Why're ye crying love?"

"I miss my mom." I blubbered incoherently. It wasn't a lie, I really did. But that wasn't why I was crying. He kissed me and then kissed my forehead as he laid me down gently and wrapped me in his arms. He didn't say anything, because he knew there wasn't much that would make that better. But his embrace was enough to calm my nerves and my tears as I kissed his neck, desperately seeking normalcy in him. "Paul, make love to me." I trembled. He kissed my head and I felt his lips curl into a smile, and he began to sing.

"Once there was a way,
To get back homeward.
Once there was a way,
To get back home.
Sleep pretty darling, do not cry,
And I will a lullaby..."

As he continued, I suddenly knew that there was nothing that would change what I felt for this man. He is the only one I leave my heart with. And his is the only heart I would keep.

Yet, in a way, I suppose I had already accepted John's heart as well, considering what happened when I woke up.
"Once there was a way
To get back homeward.
Once there was a way
To get back home.

Sleep pretty darling, do not cry...
and I will sing a lullaby..."

- Golden Slumbers

I realize that song didn't come along until Abbey Road, but it fit so perfectly with the story, so just pretend lol.

That is my personal favorite song by Paul...so gorgeous.

I know it has been forever since my last update, but boy, the wait was worth it, guys. Just wait till I get next chapter up, I have the story figured out now

:iconhurrhurrplz:
Β© 2010 - 2024 UFCupcakes
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Avid-Dreamer909's avatar
:clap: I miss your work! Great to read again!