Hide Your Love Away - Ch. 1

Chapter One: Where Loneliness Resides


I had to order food from a restaurant downtown to feed everybody. But, being a kind and generous gentleman, Mr. Epstein offered to pay the bill. I refused, of course, insisting that they were my guests. I talked to my longtime friend on the phone who owned the restaurant and she kindly offered to have one of her employees drive the food down, since I had no car.

"Thanks, Jenny." I sighed.

"It's alright, Gennie, just try not to have an episode until they leave." She laughed. It was kind of an inside joke, our names; her name was Jennifer. Mine was Genevieve. So we called each other the same name, only spelt differently. Jenny and Gennie.  I was always bitterly jealous of her dark beauty. She was tall and lean and had beautiful dark skin and chocolate brown eyes. She was so exotic looking, even though she was French, just like me.

Me? I was short, small and bland. Yeah, I had red and hair and green eyes, but people couldn't see it because I was a whole head shorter than them, standing at a laughable five feet. Kind of silly, really; I had a lot of talent. I was a singer, and artist, a writer, and not a bad cook; yet no one ever noticed me. All Jenny had to do was successfully pass a college course and suddenly she was genius of the year.  But, even though I had a deep seeded desire to be Jenny, I was stuck being Gennie; Best Friend to Jenny.

I sat in the chair across from the sofa where three of the six men sat. The one I had my eyes fixated on, the beautiful one, was staring at me like he was trying to figure me out. I blushed and stuffed my hair behind my ears. Brian had noticed my ogling before they all had settled in and told me that his name was John. I was secretly aware that his name was John Lennon. I was secretly a Beatles fan.

"So, are you guys enjoying your stay in America?" I asked politely. They all nodded, uninterested in my small talk. I knew they didn't mean to be rude or anything, they all looked very hungry and tired and worn out.

Perhaps even disappointed in the fact that there was one girl in their immediate vicinity, and she was an ugly prude.

Me.

I heard a knock at the door and I dove for it, finding relief in the arrival of the much needed food. I opened the door and let in the employee from the restaurant.

"Hi, Victor!" I said enthusiastically. He looked at me like I was nuts.

"Hey, Genevieve. Look, Miss Jen says not to make you pay, but a tip would be nice." He groaned. My smile disappeared and I slapped a lousy two dollars into his hands and scooted him off.

"Snotty little shit." I mumbled as I struggled to carry all the food. I gasped as one bag began to fall until a pair of strong hands caught it just in time. I sighed with relief and looked up at George Harrison. I grinned and thanked him, and he just smiled.

"It's no problem, sorry 'bout the other lads." He said softly. I shrugged and placed the food down on the counter.

"I understand; they're used to lavish hotels and scores of young women. This is disappointing; it's okay to think so." I smiled at him, and he smiled back at me, his fang being prominent and rather adorable.

"I don't think it's disappointing at all." He replied. "I think it's nice, having a little bit of privacy." We kept chatting as we made plates of food for everyone and finally served them. They all accepted graciously and began chatting a little more with me, which made me feel a bit better.



After a long and restless night of Beatle talk, I found that for the first time in over a year, I felt happy. Like, I had conversed with people who understood me. I especially had a nice time talking with John.

It was undeniable that I was attracted to the man. But what could I ever do about it? In my life there has always been this stupid, unnecessary, and over all irrational fear of sex.

I physically couldn't have sex. It just wasn't possible. Every time I had ever tried with the one man I ever loved, it would turn out like some horrible rape scene. I would be crying and sobbing while he had to stop himself to reassure and help me. I sighed and imagined what it would feel like, to be that close with somebody. Everyone else took advantage of such closeness, such intimacy.

I longed to know what it felt like. I closed my door gently and undressed, letting myself shiver from the frigid air as I sat on my lonely bed.

I would never know what it felt like. Just as I slipped my large t shirt over my head, I heard a soft knock at my door. I walked over and opened it, finding an apprehensive John staring back at me.

"Hello." He said suddenly. I laughed and blushed nervously, wondering if he somehow knew I was thinking of him. "May I come in?" He asked.

"Yes, of course." I said softly as I opened the door. He walked in and sat on my bed.

"You're a very fascinating person, Genevieve." He said. The way he said my name made my heart flutter.

"I'm not, really." I protested, shuffling my feet restlessly. I heard him stand up, but dare not look. He started walking towards me, his eyes burning through my defenses, even though I wasn't looking.

"I'm very attracted to you." He whispered when he came close enough. I wanted to ask him why, but I knew I wouldn't like the answer.

"I'm not all that attractive." I said carefully. "I think, perhaps, you're just lonely." I looked up at him and sighed. "I can't give you what you're looking for." His eyes answered me with questions.

"And what is it you think I want, Genevieve?"

"I assume something sexual, John." He laughed.

"And what if I just wanted to cuddle?" I raised an eyebrow. "Honestly, Genevieve, anyone can tell from a mile away that you're an insecure virgin who doesn't think very highly of herself." He said.

"Um, thanks?"

"No, but that's not bad. Because that uncertainty makes you feel the need to give other people what you long for; comfort, security, affection...love."

I stared at him blankly, my heart racing and pounding hard in my chest. His hand reached out and brushed a piece of red hair off my cheek.

"So I thought, maybe, in this big empty house where your personal loneliness resides, I could comfort you tonight?" He asked. I nearly fainted as tried to find my breath. He sat back down on my bed and gave me that crooked smile that all the girls swooned for and I fainted right off my feet.



I was sure someone was pressing a cold sponge on my face to wake me. I opened mu eyes and looked up at John, who had my head in his lap. He padded my head softly and smiled.

"I'll take your fainting as you accepting my offer." He stated. I tried my hardest not to cry as he gathered me in his arms and pulled the blankets up over both of us. He wrapped his arms around my shoulders and sighed as he got comfortable. "Good night, Genevieve."

"Good night, John." I whispered as I closed my eyes for a brief moment. When I opened them, my fantasy disappeared. I was alone in my bed, cradling myself in a hopelessly warm and inviting dream. Salty tears trickled down my face as I whispered one more time into the forlorn darkness "Good night, John".